A residual stressor for months down has been the fact that my best friend's husband got a very nice new job in North Carolina. I've known they were going to move. I've smiled and given encouragement. Justin and I attended their last-hurrah style get together and drank and listened to music into the night.
Today thought, she told me they got a house. They're leaving the 25th. So, 12 days. I don't if we'll be over in that time. We have a busy schedule and she's painting and packing. I'm going to miss them. It will be hard on Evelyn, too. Her best friend in the world is Kyleigh and 4 year olds don't do distance well.
I am happy for them as they've taken a gigantic leap in life. Ben will now be making about $70k a year, nearly three times what we make. Tonya will finally get her hair done, her nails done, her kids in all the best extra curriculars. They will have nice furniture and new cars. Well done.
Meanwhile, we keep plugging away at treading water. I know that the program tells us to keep to our own business, tend our own lives. It's hard when you have dreams just as big but no chance to leap. Justin insists he'll start truck school in February, but Tonya's right in that I don't know if he'll actually do it. And then, will he end up OTR? Will I end up a single parent anyway?
I kinda hope that we visit in NC a few times and Justin finally agrees to check out jobs down there. I know he's still clinging to the idea of Arizona. And maybe I'll just get hit by bus tomorrow.
So, I have been pondering what sort of training astronauts go through for isolation. I figure I'll be pretty much alone for the next 6 months. I'll have the outings with the kids, but after the Ochs leave and since I've pretty much written off my mom for a few months, I don't think a single human being will be to the house until maybe spring. Sure, Val will drop by once a month or so, but that's not much. And all she does is talk about whatever fight Doug's been in recently, try to sell me MLM, or play on her computer. It's not like it used to be when we'd watch movies and cook. Now, Doug calls all night and she can't focus on anything long enough to digest a film.
I even asked Justin if I could join MOPS, until I found out it's a Christian thing. No thanks.
Margie comes up, but she's always awkward and can't wait to beat sand home.
And while it's fine to throw myself a mini pity party, the real problem is the kids. I don't want them to be isolated and anti-social. With the Ochs gone and the Dunkles busy and Chucky/Margie if-y and my mom on the outs... I'm starting to think that I shouldn't throw Ollie a birthday party. It seems like I'm cheating him, but why dump $200 into a Daniel Tiger themed celebration if no on is here to see it?
So, I'm sad today. Worry has taken over.
