I am having a hard time starting

I need to get back into my awesome habit of calorie tracking, OA meetings, and exercise.  I try.  Every day I have the excitement and urge to be that person again.  Even dropping those 30lbs gave me such confidence and my body felt better.

I am stuck in the stage where all my OA stuff sounds stupid and my son won't partner up this time and I binge eat all evening.  I feel sad and let down every day.  I get angry and my self talk is nasty.  I am so mean to myself!  And then I'm mean to my kids.  It's a bad cycle.

I focus my day on all the things I cant have, pout over small portions, and am drowning. 

I have a goal.  I truly think it's achievable.   But I sabotage myself every damn time.

Evidence of Being a Super Fatty

I can't believe how large I am.  Even with my 28lb loss last summer, I am still bursting out of my clothes.  I take up an entire sofa.  I can't zipper 3xl coats.  It's better than it was.  I hear that.  I understand that my 24w pants fit now.  But then I see photos like these (taken at MOPS Christmas party) and I feel disgusted and ashamed all over again.