I went to Dubois to pick up some garden edging I'd bought off Facebook. I knew there was a Ross (Dress for Less) in the area. I have a bad history with that place. I have spend entire paychecks there. The clothes I want to fit, but never do. The trendy stuff I want Gabe and Justin to wear, but they never do. The pretty statues and candles that I want to fill our home with, that look awkward on our outdated furniture. I used to stalk the one in Butler, near my mom.
I used my GPS to find the store and walked in, knowing I could spend a little and Justin wouldn't care or was numb to it anymore. I found a garden statue for Evie, $7. There were a few, but I was trying to keep the price down. I found $5 spring placemats for the dining room. Not a must have, but our old ones are shredding. I found a 4pk of Nuby cups for $10. Those were actually on our "tax money" list, so I didn't feel bad buying them. I wandered the aisles trying to find something spectacular. Something that would give me that HIGH that shopping gives me. I was trying to fill some hole of anxiety or impatience. I could find nothing. I even put a few things back. I even walked away from kid shoes on clearance for $2.50. I walked away from funny coffee mugs. The big ones.
As I was checking out with my few purchases, I caught myself desperately searching the snack food. I NEEDED something. I hadn't gotten my buzz. As soon as I realized what I was doing, I stopped. It was lunacy!
I left that store only with truly cheap and useful things. I had not gouged us. I had not binged. I had seen a dangerous pattern in my behavior, though.
Compulsive shopping is like pie. I cant leave pie alone, if its in the house. Cakr either. I think perhaps it was a good thing that we moved so far from everything. I can no longer wander walmart for 2 hours buying too much junk.
