I actively chose NOT to log my food yesterday. I needed a bit of a reset. I realized that I had started lying to my self because I was having to send the links to my sponsor at night.
Accountability:
In addition to the foods posted on Sunday (1/22) I included almost all of a cupcake in my snack. I grabbed it because I thought I NEEDED IT, but in the end it didn't taste good and I couldn't eat all of it. I also had a second helping of potato chips with dinner. I did NOT have a snack that night because I was punishing myself.
On Monday, (1/23) I ate 3-4 times the amount of peanutbutter crackers shown in the photo of my evening snack.
On Tuesday, (1/24) I ate 1/4 of an entire Lemon Cream pie. I don't know when. I woke up Wednesday and remember opening the pie and taking a bite. Nothing else.
I had been hiding those things from my sponsor. She doesn't check in often, so I feel like I can slide by. Turns out, I can't. This is MY recovery, not hers. She will NOT be with me or available at all times. She will not be better at this or wiser. She will not be unshakable. She will not be infallible. She will not always recognize a crisis if I lie and say I'm fine. If I don't like something she has told me to do, I need to tell her. If I don't have a material or free time to work a step, I need to tell her. If I have a good day, I need to tell her.
Honesty. Communication. And giving up control. These need to be my supports, right now.
